


You and Your Memorial

by enby0angel



Series: KakaObi Week 2020 [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: And also Uzushio, Angst, But this is set post-Kyuubi pre-canon, Headcanoning Kakashi's family like a boss, Headcanoning the Hatake Clan, Hurt No Comfort, KakaObi Week 2020, M/M, Past Character Death, Self-Loathing, Starting off KKOB week strong, Tagging MCD just in case, This is just a big ball of angst, Timeline What Timeline, Uzushiogakure | Hidden Eddy Village
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:54:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22642180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enby0angel/pseuds/enby0angel
Summary: There are a few select days of the year when Konoha at large knows that Hatake Kakashi cannot be found, and should not be looked for."Or: five days that Hatake Kakashi spends alone.KakaObi Week Day 1: Birthday
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito, past Hatake Sakumo/Ootsutsuki Kaguya
Series: KakaObi Week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1628785
Comments: 2
Kudos: 194
Collections: KakaObi Week 2020





	You and Your Memorial

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome lords, ladies and non-binary royalty to my KKOB Week 2020! This is my first time participating in an event like this! I'm excited!!
> 
> Starting off strong with a big ol' ball of angst. I have fluffier ones, I swear, although so far Day 5 is gonna be late. It's not cooperating. Send help.
> 
> Special thanks to the lovely gf @Ladee_Banana for listening to me cry about it, and to the wonderful @acme146 for being a writing sound board even though she isn't even into Naruto! You two are blessings.
> 
> This fic (and many more fics in this series) will include my headcanoned family for Kakashi! I blame sloaners for getting me into Kagumo, but the rest is my own creation. Let me liiiiive
> 
> I hope you enjoy!! <3
> 
> (Title from the poem "Balloons in Heaven" by Sharon L. Rice. Read it here: https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/balloons-in-heaven)

There are a few select days of the year when Konoha at large knows that Hatake Kakashi cannot be found, and should not be looked for.

  
  


The first is his mother’s birthday. Kakashi spends this day deep in the forests of the Hatake lands, in an old but well-kept temple his father dedicated to her. He spends the day meticulously cleaning everything, from washing walls and weeding gardens to repainting the mural his father painted. He comes here for an hour or two every month or so, just to keep the place intact.

His mother’s identity is highly classified, which is why nobody currently alive knows where he goes on that day. The last person to know was Minato-sensei, and he’s gone now. Nobody knows that one of the reasons Kakashi wears his mask is because nothing in his face looks like his father, or why he avoids the Hyuuga so they can’t look too closely at his chakra, or why there’s more to his night-owlish tendencies than his Hatake instincts.

He spends the day missing her, his mother who was gone too soon, who he desperately wishes he could have just one more day with.

  
  


The second day is a birthday and a death day. He almost always spends this day intoxicated in the library of the Hatake compound, numb and unable to tear his eyes away from his father’s favourite photo of the three of them at his wedding to Kakashi’s stepmother. On the day she became a Hatake, Yukia was already four months pregnant and her wedding dress showed off her slight baby bump. The photo shows his father with his arms around Yukia, and their joined hands rest on little Kakashi’s shoulders. The two of them were so excited for a child, and Kakashi was thrilled at the idea of a little sibling.

In the books and stories Kakashi reads, the stepmother is always the evil one who seduces the father and takes over the household, but Yukia was the opposite of all that. She was sweet and kind and loving, and never interfered with the time Kakashi spent with his father. She would never replace Kakashi’s mother, his father’s first love, but she never tried to, and Kakashi loved her.

But on this day, many years ago, something went wrong. Yukia went into labour, and didn’t make it out alive. Neither of them did.

Kakashi didn’t speak for a month, and his father was never the same. So on this day, Kakashi remains silent, not uttering a single word, not even to his dogs.

  
  


The third day marks the day Kakashi came home to find his father dead on the floor.

(He’ll never tell anyone, but something in him tells him that his father didn’t take his own life. He can’t explain why, and he has no proof, but somehow he just _knows_.

The facts don’t add up. His father is dead less than two days after his best friend never made it home, and a week later a village is destroyed. Something doesn’t fit.

Sometimes he thinks he’s crazy – he’s never completely sure.)

  
  


The fourth day is a day he regrets: the day he let his best friend die. The day he made the wrong choice, and it cost him _everything._

_Stupid. So,_ so _stupid._

The only person who was ever allowed to spend this day with him was Rin, and that was only because she was so stubborn in hunting him down wherever he went, and somehow she always found him. No matter where he hid to wallow in his sins, she found him. She found him and sat with him, and they mourned together.

Now he spends the day alone – not even Gai tries to find him on this day, and a part of him is grateful for that.

He needs to be alone in this day, as penance.

  
  


But the fifth day… that will always be the hardest.

Birthdays are supposed to be a day of celebration, and yet Kakashi spends it in mourning. He goes to the memorial stone in the morning to pay his first respects, and he stays there for a long while. Nobody is expecting him, so he doesn’t watch the sun to keep track of the time. He stands there and silently makes his confessions, too numb for any tears to fall.

Eventually, he leaves, retreating to his bare apartment to force himself to eat something. He doesn’t taste it.

After, he visits a very special place in the Hatake compound. Both tucked away and in plain sight is a temple with walls covered with names. Since its creation, Hatake clan members have carved names into the wall – specifically, the names of their fallen family and friends, even those with graves in Konoha’s graveyard. Above the names are clan symbols beside the Hatake: Yamanaka and Nara and Akimichi all have a place as allied clans, alongside Uzumaki and Uchiha.

Kakashi walks along the wall, brushing his fingers through it and leaving a trail in the dust. He walks to the end of the wall to the newest names, all of which Kakashi carefully inscribed himself.

Underneath _Hatake Sakumo_ lies _Uchiha Kagami_ and _Uzumaki Tsunami_ , the two people his father trusted more than anything in the world, so much so that Tsunami was named Kakashi’s godmother, and Sakumo the godfather of Kagami’s son.

At the bottom reads _Uchiha Shisui_ , preceded by _Uzumaki Kushina, Namikaze Minato_ and _Nohara Rin_.

But below Tsunami and above Rin sits the name _Uchiha Obito_ , and it is this name that Kakashi lingers on most of all. He brushes his fingertips over the name, the lines imperfect – all of the names are, for they were carved by the shaking cards of mourning friends and family.

Kakashi kneels in front of the wall and bows his head, hands curling into fists on his knees. It is always hard to see Obito reduced to nothing but a memory, a name, and a Sharingan that has helped kill more people than Kakashi could ever count.

Eventually, Kakashi sighs, giving up on the formalities, and leans his side against the wall.

It is now that he speaks the only words he will ever say on this day.

“Happy birthday, Obito.”

And there he stays.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading!!! Comments and kudos are always appreciated <3


End file.
